No Joke

Here is what happened tonight. Really. I’m not kidding whatsoever.

I had been sitting talking to my roommate, Kelley, for an hour or so and am about to head to bed when Christi calls.

Christi: Hey, has anybody used the garage door opener?

Beth: No, but it’s in my car…..(which, I am thinking, is downstairs….the opposite direction of my bed) Do you need it?

Christi: Well, it’d be nice….

Beth: Okay, I’ll come out and throw my key over the edge and you can catch it

Seconds later I did just as promised, but I aimed for the dirt instead of the concrete sidewalk so it wouldn’t fall on the concrete and break and she wouldn’t have to catch it in her hands and pierce one of her fingers. She tries to grab it, and in the process it hits her hand and flies into the shrubs. So now it’s dark, my key is in the bushes, we don’t know where it is, and we are both laughing incredibly hard. Christi begins looking through the bushes and finally yells at me, “Go get a flashlight and get down here!” So I walk inside, audibly muttering, “Stupid Christi….”, grab a flashlight and some extra clothing for warmth, and run downstairs.

After a few minutes of looking to no avail, three nice young men walk by and one offers to help.

Boy #1: What are you girls looking for?

Christi: Her keys.

Beth: Actually just one key, that SOMEONE threw in the bushes.

Christi: I did NOT throw it in the bushes.

Boy #1 (taking out his cell phone for light): Oh, we’ll help. But I forgot my flashlight at work. Did either of you guys bring your flashlight?

Both boys shake their heads no.

Boy #1: We’re firefighters. So we’re used to helping.

Boy #2: Well, more used to getting cats out of trees….

His two sidekicks carrying beer and coke stand on the sidewalk watching while the first boy starts looking. After awhile the other two join in half-heartedly.

Boy #1: So do you guys live here?

Christi: No, we just go looking through bushes….

Boy #1: We’ve never seen you guys.

Beth: That’s because we’re typically not out looking in the bushes at 10:00 at night…

Boy #2: So where do you guys hang out?

Beth: Usually in our apartment.

Christi: Or not in our apartment.

Boy #3: Ohhhhhhhh! (We all get excited) A red bull can! (Our high hopes deflate)

Boy #1: I need to go throw this trash away.

Christi: Well, you don’t need to come back and help us.

Boy #2: Yeah, we probably won’t.

Beth: Well, you’re not doing much helping anyways.

Boy #3 laughed really hard at that one. More searching.

Beth: You guys really don’t need to help us, it’s okay if you want to go.

Boy #2: Well, okay.

Beth: Oh boy. We were gonna try and be friends….

Christi: Yeah, friends off.

Boy #3: Well, it’s our turn to get drunk now.

Beth: We’re not drunk.

The boys laughed.

Beth: No really, we’re not.

Boy #1: No, we’ll help.

More searching.

Boy #3: So…..what do you guys do?

We declined to answer but there was more searching, practically uprooting the bushes, and sarcastic comments thrown back and forth. They were good sports for all their uselessness and at least laughed at our sarcasm which kept us all in good spirits. Finally, Christi found the key! It was a miracle. I got the garage door for her and went back inside to get ready for bed calling after me, “I’ll be IN BED!”
When she got up to our room she says, “Beth, you’re never going to believe it. The second I got back in my car….someone pulled out of a spot right in the front. So I took it.” Outrageous.

Then no more than 30 seconds later our other roommate calls Christi and asks, “Hey, has anybody used the garage door opener?”

Really? Really? Is this really my life?

* Please note that this all sounds very harsh but was said in a half-hearted, mostly good humored manner.


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