Brother You’re Like a Six

By nature of what I do I spend a lot of time with college students. And with that comes a lot of time talking about relationships and counseling girls and guys alike on how to walk wisely through them (I know what you’re thinking…they let YOU do this?!)

I have benefited a great deal by reading a few articles on Boundless about singleness, dating, and marriage. They honor God’s Word, hold marriage in high regard, reject extended adulesence and protracted singleness, believe in the goodness of men and women being created differently, and cut through a lot of the cultural selfishness we believe about relationships. I would recommend the website for singles, those dating, or married folk. But I thought I’d post a few links to some of my favorites.

First for the women:

“When to Settle”

“Finding a Husband”

“Thinking About Marriage”

“Seven Myths Single Women Believe”

For the men:

“Brother You’re Like a Six”

“Stop Test Driving Your Girlfriend” (girls can read this too, but insert boyfriend)

“Get Married, Young Man”

“The Marks of Manhood”

“Real Men Risk Rejection”

For guys and girls alike:

“Looking for Love Like a Peasant”

“Soul Mates or Sole Mates?”

What I end up telling girls is to let the guys hunt, but feel free to crack twigs and rustle the leaves so he knows you are there. Cultivate a selfless heart that thinks about how to communicate, respond to conflict, encourage, submit, serve, and watch football with a guy instead of fantasizing about getting flowers and whispering sweet nothings. Keep your heart at an appropriate level at all times and don’t run one direction or the other- cutting a guy out or craving something you don’t have, being discontent in singleness or rejecting the goodness of marriage.

I tell the guys to lead, initiate, have the heart of a protector and don’t make the girl risk getting hurt so you can be sure. Learn that women are complex creatures that you probably won’t understand, to hate your selfishness, cultivate a love for the Lord, desire true beauty, lower your expectations (read: Jessica Alba, Noel Piper, and Martha Stewart don’t exist in one person), don’t be afraid to fail in leadership, and mostly learn to communicate well and walk with integrity so that a young woman will be able to trust you. And respect you. And ultimately fall in love with you.

And I tell them both not to be selfish. To question their motives for why they do or don’t want to date someone. To learn to be spiritually attracted to someone and look for and pursue true beauty. To pursue purity and build that muscle that will benefit them both in singleness and marriage. And to trust the Lord and walk by the Spirit.

Alright, my pumpkin pies just finished baking for open door night. That’s my que to get off my soap box. I’ll let you know when I can actually live the things I tell these students to do!

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6 thoughts on “Brother You’re Like a Six

  1. Sooooo, I just copied and pasted below a sheet that was created by one of my all-time male RD’s of TMC’s past (he’s married with 4 kids). I’ve been begging him to write one for guys regarding girls but maybe someday. 🙂
    Hope the formatting translates well, if not, and you want the doc, let me know and I’ll email it to you. 🙂
    Much grace as you counsel the young ones to BE the person they’re looking for.

    Man Assaying
    Pre-Engagement Considerations for Women

    His commitment to personal sin
    1. Does his own sin bother him more than your sins bother him?
    2. Does he repent quickly?
    3. Does he actively watch out for his “unknown” sin?
    4. Does he have any issues that he refuses to deal with?

    Is he a respected man?
    1. Has he gained the respect of his acquaintances?
    2. Has he gained the respect of his leaders?
    3. Has he gained the respect of other men who are the same age?
    4. Has he gained the respect of older men?
    5. Has he gained the respect of your parents?
    6. Are the mature in Christ quick to affirm his maturity?

    Character Questions
    1. Is he completely and utterly committed to Scripture?
    2. Has he demonstrated growth and advancement regularly?
    3. Is he committed to and demonstrates Biblical submission to authorities?
    4. Has he neglected God, men, ministries, priorities to be with you or other personal gains?
    5. Does he know and currently use his giftedness in the body of believers?
    6. Does he serve and edify you?
    7. Does he live out the extent of his Biblical knowledge?

    Not can he, but does he lead?
    1. Does he lead, not run along side you, spiritually?
    2. Does he lead you, or do you lead him in decisions, desires and conflict?

    Are you compatible philosophically and doctrinally?
    1. Do you share the same theology?
    2. Do you share the same understanding of Marital Headship?

    Summary Questions
    1. Do you respect him?
    2. Do you really enjoy him?
    3. Do you have any unsettled reservations (weaknesses, immaturities, debts, embarrassing traits, etc?)
    4. Are you genuinely attracted to him?

  2. Pingback: Guy’s Guide « Rugged Joy

  3. Pingback: Revisiting Marriage « Rugged Joy

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