A Dim Mirror

I apologize for all the posts on the same topic recently, but God has been teaching me so much and the best way I know of to digest it is to write about it. I promise I won’t be offended if you choose to move on at this point or just quickly skim, or just read a few lines and decide it’s too long.

Recently I’ve been trying to meditate on God. I’ve found that meditating on God is helping me know God (not just know about God), but it’s much harder than I thought it would be. There have been days that I lay on my bed and grit my teeth together because it’s so difficult for me to wrap my mind around God and who He is but there is something in me that is hungry to know my God.

This quote from C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves has dramatically altered my thinking in the past few weeks, “Man even at his highest sanctity and intelligence has no direct ‘knowledge about’ (savoir) the ultimate Being- only analogies. We cannot see light, though by light we can see things. Statements about God are extrapolations from the knowledge of other things which the divine illumination enables us to know.”

So I’ve been trying to take the analogies I have in this life and wield them to know God better, knowing that they all break down and that even in their failure to accurately portray God I learn more about the superiority of His love. “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known” (1 Cor. 13:13). That is the hope, that one day we will fully know and clearly see our God and His great love.

Here’s a few of the things I’ve been meditating on:

– The concept of a name and all the benefits that a good name can bring. I’ve said many a time “It is good to be a Catron girl.” Just by nature of possessing the name “Catron” I enjoy the benefits that come with being a part of the family that someone outside the family doesn’t. Then I take that and think about the gift of a name. When you get married, a husband gives his wife his name and that becomes her identity. He bestows on her all of the same honor and blessing that he has had having been born into the family. The same is true of God. When we are drawn into His family, we receive His name, and all of the benefits that come with it. Think just of the benefits we find in Romans 8:31-35: Verse 31: “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Verse 32: “How will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” Verse 33: “Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect?” Verse 34: “Who is to condemn?” And verse 35: “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?” I don’t understand it fully, but I’m trying to.

– The fearlessness that comes with having a good, wise, and loving father. My parents continue to be one of the greatest ways that I know the love of God. My dad has told me enough times that I have come to believe it that he and my mom act as a safety net for me during these post-college years of uncertainty. Knowing that there is a safety net below me to catch me, I am fearless in some ways. Not careless, but fearless. It’s important not to mistake the two. To be careless would be unloving and would take advantage of my parents kindness. But fearlessness means that I am able to take risks that I wouldn’t had I no safety net- I would have never come to do my MABC, never moved away from home, never decided to be an RD, I probably wouldn’t love people the way I do either. Because at the end of the day I know that if I fall flat on my face I have somewhere to run. If I get into a car accident, if my car breaks down, if the pressures of life start to cave in on me, if everything doesn’t go according to plan, if my plans suddenly change due to things outside of my control, I have someone to call. I have a place to go. I have people who love me and will do everything in their power to care for me the best way they know how. So I can risk in ways I wouldn’t if I didn’t have that. And as silly as the comparison is, God is the ultimate Comforter, Provider, Rescuer, Refuge, Shelter, and Protector. There should be an even greater fearlessness because God is my Heavenly Father. He will always give sufficient grace, sufficient time, sufficient resources, sufficient knowledge, sufficient strength. So we can run to Him and expect to have mercy and find grace to help in the time of need because Christ purchased for us a “yes” to all of the promises of God.

– The confidence that comes with knowing I will never be separated from God’s love. One of the hardest things about loving anything is calculating the cost. What is this going to cost me? In Philippians 2 Paul says that in sparing Epaphroditus’ life, God also spared Paul from having “sorrow upon sorrow.” With love comes the fear that one might lose it- we may experience sorrow upon sorrow because of it. Friends move away, people suddenly and tragically die, parents and grandparents grow old, relationships change, people grow tired of our faults and failures. We will all experience loss in love. But Christ’s love will never be a memory, it will never be past tense “He loved me very much,” we will never ache to have it back. Christ conquered the grave and is currently at the right hand of God interceding for us so there is nothing so terrible on this earth, even death, that will be able to separate us from His love. And that should create a confidence and boldness in us and the way we love God and others. It will ultimately cost us nothing. God absorbed the cost when He sent Christ to die on the cross. As Jim Elliot said, “He is no fool who gives what He cannot keep to gain what He cannot lose.” So in this life it may cost us everything, but we couldn’t have kept that anyways. The more I’m learning that God loves me, the more and more everything else pales in comparison– so the truth that I cannot be separated from His love is prying my fingers off the things I cling to in this world and causing me to long for heaven in a way I haven’t until now.

I don’t want to see in a dim mirror anymore. I want to see clearly. I want to see face to face.

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