Tonight my tail got kicked. I don’t know whether you care or not, but I’ll explain anyways.
I walked into our monthly SLS meeting tonight in high spirits. This weekend was wonderful. It was fun, refreshing, and full of laughter. I laughed harder than I have in I can’t remember how long and enjoyed myself more than I have in months.
The months and weeks prior to this weekend have been, in a word, hard. When I say hard, I mean hard for me, which I know is unusually easy for most people. I’ve just come to terms with the fact that God knows how very weak I am so He is very kind to not rip me to shreds but bear with me as He stretches and pulls me to make more of me. So forgive me when I use the word “hard.” It probably doesn’t do the word “hard” justice. But I came into the weekend after a semester of trying to keep my head above water as I was adjusting to my new life and job, a week of RD re-entry, a trip up north for a memorial service for my cousin’s 2 hour old baby, RA re-entry, and our annual Truth & Life Conference on Suffering. All really good things…but heavy.
SO…this weekend came at a very opportune time. I got to have a slumber party Friday night with some of my girls, one of which flew to Israel on Saturday morning. We stayed up till two playing games, eating pizza, watching movies…and then pulled my mattress out of my room and slept on the floor together. Saturday night I got to hang out with my friend Jess and some other people, which was HYSTERICAL. I mean, seriously, I haven’t had that much fun…probably since Team Twenty Seconds went to Wicked last March. It was so great to laugh so hard my nostrils were flaring uncontrollably and tears fell down my cheeks and I couldn’t say a single word. Then today I got to go to lunch with friends from church and hang out with my dear friend Amy all day in the beautiful Southern California sunshine. The whole weekend was so….carefree. I loved it.
As I sat in the meeting tonight I was honestly thinking, “I don’t want to learn any more lessons. I’ve had enough of the lessons for now. I just want to sit back and enjoy life for awhile.” So I got kicked in the tail when we read this passage from Hebrews 10:32-39:
“But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated. For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For,
‘Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay;but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.’
But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.”
Take that my comfort-seeking, pleasure-loving, far-too-easily-wearied soul. It would appear that “just sitting back and enjoying life”…isn’t really an option. I can’t say I really want to live the way this verse is describing, but that’s the beauty of being a believer. I know that God will enable me to do what I don’t want to and certainly don’t feel strong enough to do right now. I just need to be convinced of what is right. The grace and strength to do it come from Him.