A Smattering of Thoughts

I drove up to my parents’ house in Pleasanton today which gave me some time to think. Here are my thoughts:

1. I did not know what I was capable of until this last week. It was heinously insane. I feel really tired and I still have a small but elegant wedding baby shower to throw for my sister tomorrow. It’s a good feeling to squeeze just about everything you can out of a week.

2. I bought my first car yesterday. I still feel half really thankful the Lord provided for me and glad I did and half nauseous about it. I don’t like making big purchases.

3. Wisdom is very elusive. I’m not omniscient which makes wisdom very hard. I can’t see around every corner and turn and bend. I can’t see all the possible outcomes, or even what the actual outcome may be. I think a lot of times I say I want to be “wise” when really I just want control.

4. I’m very thankful for the community of believers the Lord has put me in at Master’s. I’ve said it before, but it’s amazing when you see Christians who actually are living out Christ’s teachings. Wednesday my friend (and boss) Karrie took me to test drive cars.My friends Bart & Amy offered me their car to drive up to San Fran for the weekend if I needed it. Yesterday morning Cindi went with me to the car dealership and endured some painful haggling just to get to spend some time together. My friend (and colleague) Jeff met me for lunch and talked me through all my options and thoughts on what car to buy. He picked up one of his guys and they followed me out to another dealership to check out a used car and test drive it for me. He told me not to sign anything until he’d cleared it. I was really thankful for his brotherly protection and care. Last night two of my RAs stopped by and helped me put together 70 treat bags filled with peeps for the girls in the dorm. Who else gets to have those kinds of brothers and sisters all around them?!

5. This year has been full of circumstances I would not have chosen for myself. I’ve needed every single day of it. I’m not kidding. Every. Single. Day. More and more I’m realizing that God has very good and kind purposes behind why He did things His way instead of mine.

6. I needed Christ to die for me today (Good Friday). In the past few weeks I’ve seen how much I love comfort and how harsh and critical I can become when someone else’s sin is going to effect my life.. I’ve seen how right I think I am most of the time. Christ’s  death gives me the life I shouldn’t have. It frees me from the debt I should have had to pay. It spares me from the wrath I deserved to endure. It gives me the death to sin I need. It gives me the righteousness I clearly don’t have. I needed (and continue to need) a Savior. I needed Christ to die for me in the worst kind of way. And He did. When I was in my worst, most sinful, most unlovable state He gave up His life so that I could be reconciled with God. If that doesn’t put the “Good” in “Good Friday,” I don’t know what does.


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