Tonight I had a break through. I keep having these break throughs this year. Except it’s not that I am brilliant or have some novel concept or idea…it’s that God is breaking through the layers of my sin. Ouch.
It seems as though every time I feel like I’ve gotten a handle on things and doing pretty well, the Lord starts chipping away again. You might remember my post a little while ago about the people fast. I’ve been feeling pretty good about that, especially since i’ve been home. I’ve been happy, content, thankful. I’ve been serving my family instead of reverting to jr. high again and acting like a spoiled little brat. I’ve been letting things slide off my back, covering in love. I mean really, I was incarnating Christ like it was my job (please hear my sarcasm in that).
Then, that all got thrown off. I fell back into my old pattern of thinking. Got a sinus headache (which I now think are actually stress headaches). Couldn’t shake myself out of it. Decided I was better off on my own, life is easier without relationships, and made secret plans in my head to return back to Master’s early to get myself out of this predicament sooner rather than later.
When my mom and I were having dinner tonight, she blasted the top off my sin. I don’t think it was even on purpose, just asked a simple question. I started to see the same things oozing out of a lot of areas of my life. Booty. Just when you think you’re getting things under control!
This year has been one of incessant refining. The Lord has been very kind to put me in a spot where He used my own desires to force me to face my sin, repent of it, and begin to change. God used the perfect set of circumstances to peel back layers of old patterns of sin I had dolled up enough to not have to pay attention to. As I look back to last year at this time, I realize I am a very different girl than I was then which I’m incredibly thankful for. And tonight I didn’t feel annoyed that God showed me more sin. You know when you’ve had a heck of a day and one final thing happens and you just start to laugh because it’s almost comical and somewhat unsurprising? That’s more it was it was like. “Of course you would.”
But, the good news is that sin is enslaving and sanctification is freeing. No, actually, the good news is that because of Jesus Christ my sins are forgiven. Tonight I am more thankful than ever for relationships that don’t end when things get rough but instead grow stronger and stronger with each storm and a God who is relentless in His love.
I’m excited about what God is up to.