Alternate Chapter Titles

Okay, when was the last time you read a thesis that actually made you laugh out loud?

I know what you’re thinking. “When was the last time I read a thesis?”


Well, tonight I finally sat down to begin working on my thesis. I pulled out the old research proposal and outline that I wrote last year. I had completely forgotten that for one part of the outline (which came at about the time I wanted to rip out my hair and be doing ANYTHING but a thesis outline) I wrote “alternate titles” for my chapters (which I could never actually submit.) They made me laugh out loud when I re-read them tonight. I thought I’d share them with you and pass along the joy.

WARNING: If you are easily offended by making light of very serious topics, you should probably read no further.

So here they are. The alternate titles from Part II of my thesis about Common Objections and Hindrances (in counseling sexual abuse).

  1. Common Objections and Hindrances:
  • I Don’t Want to Keep Living: Honoring the Life God has Given You
  • I Can’t Accept that God Would Allow This: Looking to Cross (Psalm 118:22-24)
    •  Alternate title: In a Broken World? You’re Lucky Everything Isn’t That Bad
  • I’m Angry: Being Good & Angry Without Sinning (Ephesians 4:26)
    • Alternate title: Have You Looked into a Punching Bag?
  • I’ve Made A Mess of My Life: Picking up the Pieces (Ephesians 1:18-23)
    • Alternate title: Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall Too…You Don’t See That Holding Him Down, Do You?
  • I Like Girls: Embracing God’s Designs as Best and Most Wise (Genesis 1:18-24; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11)
    • Alternate title: The Katy Perry Syndrome
  • I Keep Getting Involved in Abusive Relationships: Falling in Love with Christ (Romans 5:1-10)
    • Alternate title: I Want You to Want Me
  • I Can’t Forgive Them: Letting God Deal with Them (Matthew 18:23-34)
    • Alternate title: Haven’t They Already Ruined Enough of Your Life?
  • I Feel Guilty: Allowing Christ to Forgive & Hide You (Colossians 3:1-5)
    • Alternate title: How Elyse Fitzpatrick Changed My Life By Explaining This One Little Verse
  • I’m Afraid of Getting Hurt: Practicing The Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12)
    • Alternate title: Don’t Throw Your Neighbor Under the Bus to Save Yourself.
  • I Can’t Get These Images Out of My Mind: Thinking on what is Pure (Philippians 4:4-9)
    • Alternate title: Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter
  • I’m Damaged Goods: Trusting God to Provide a Good Man (Ruth 1-4)
    • Alternate title: God Please Let Me Marry Isaiah Kottke
  • I Have to Be in Control: Losing Everything for the God Who is Worth Far More (Luke 17:33)
    • Alternate title: If I Go to the Mission Field, It’d Better Be Hawaii.
    • Alternate title (II): The Jonah Syndrome
  • I Think Every Guy is a Pervert: Seeing Men as Made in God’s Image (Genesis 1:26)
    • Alternate title: Why Do I Get the Yucks?
  • I Don’t Want to be Beautiful: Admiring the Irresistible Beauty of God
    • Alternate title: If Being Ugly is Wrong, I Don’t Want to be Right

One thought on “Alternate Chapter Titles

  1. I’ll endorse you putting God in that missions box. Conveniently Hawaii is full of lost people and Mormons. I’m pretty sure God wants you in Hawaii. Specifically Honolulu.

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